Garth Brooks sings a song called “The Dance”. Those lyrics are well known even if you don’t listen to country music, but for those who aren’t familiar with the song the words that ring true for so many are in the chorus and say, “…now I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance.”
Last week I came home to find one of my young dogs dead. He had just turned 3. I was crushed. I was devastated. He was the first dog from nearly a decade of breeding to cross The Bridge - well before his time. This puppy that I loved from the day he was born and had such great plans for and goals for was suddenly gone. This dog that was so friendly and eager and loving wouldn’t get to swim or play or give any more kisses. I wasn’t with him when he passed and I felt incredible guilt that he passed alone while I was at a show with my other dogs for the day. It was tragic on so many levels and it is still heartbreaking. We ruled out genetic causes which was good for the genetics of my other dogs and my breeding program, but that offered very little comfort when I faced not having him with me anymore to play.
It also got me thinking and reflecting on the 3 years we had together. What had we done? What did we accomplish? He had so much potential but yet we had very few titles. He was learning weave poles with the hopes of starting agility this fall. 3 days before he passed he was blasting through channel weaves. I was days from entering him in his first non-FAST agility run. He had been visiting dock diving events and getting more confident on his swimming, jumping off the ramp and water retrieves with the hopes of competing next season. He had done FAST CAT and Coursing Tests and some Barn Hunt and was titled in those. We planned to make his rally debut at our breed nationals in 6 months. We had so much ahead of us.
Then I thought, “would I change it?” So I thought, should I have pushed to get him in the ring sooner? Should I have put him in agility right at 15 months and just faked the parts we didn’t really know yet? I’ve done it before. He would have titled. Should I have just done rally and hoped for the best even if it wasn’t ‘good’ because he mostly just stayed with me when on leash? Did the score really matter? Did the title? Did the ribbons? Did the bragging rights that he was titled at a young age? I have had dogs title early in life. I have had top dogs in their sports and in their breed. I have earned many ribbons (that I very much enjoy showing off photos of). But, none of those things would bring him back. None of those things would have changed the situation now.
So I started thinking about what we HAD done. He got to go to the farm with me pretty often when I worked. He got to run and play and swim. He got to go paddle boarding. He got to go to the pool and have a blast swimming for his chicken. He would bark and bark when he knew that was where we were he was so excited. He got to chase bags in fields - quite possibly one of his favorite things to do. He loved to run and chase. He had a great recall and I was almost surprised he would go that far from me to chase bags but he adored it. He got to go on trips with me. He got to train in many different things. He got to sleep in the bed. I didn’t put pressure on him to learn all the sports young. We made great fun out of everything he did. He had the BEST attitude about learning things. We had an amazing relationship. I was his person. 110% he loved me and doing things with me more than anything or anyone else.
When I think about that I don’t think I would have changed anything about his life. I will always wish he was still here and we had more time, but I don’t wish I packed more competition into his 3 years - because during those 3 years we built a relationship that laid the foundation for the great things that were to come. Even if they won’t now. He wasn’t stressed about shows or competition. He didn’t stress in training or in the few competition events we did do because it was fun. It was about the journey. I really just enjoyed doing things with him. We always think we have time with young dogs but often we get so excited we rush them into things before they are truly ready - and many times we suffer a fall out somewhere along the way for that.
We as humans and handlers are so easy to push things too far too fast. Stop. Take a breath. Enjoy the day. Enjoy the small things - a day with a 5 month old pup with no accidents in the house, the day your puppy finally learns that statue in the neighbor’s yard isn’t scary, the time your dog was chasing that rabbit but came when you called instead, the joy on their face when you turn them loose for an off leash sniff and walk. Maybe you have time and maybe you don’t. Titles in themselves don’t define our relationships. Stop pressuring yourself and your dogs to get in the ring or the field. Stop comparing your dogs accomplishments at a certain age to someone else’s dog. Enjoy them. Enjoy watching them learn and explore and celebrate life.
Micah wasn’t here long. He was gone long before I was ready to say goodbye but, just like all my other dogs still taught me. He taught me to enjoy my dogs and our relationship first as companions and partners because that is why I - and many of you - have dogs in the first place. Enjoy watching them run and play and hike and swim. Enjoy sitting on the couch and watching TV together. Then, enjoy teaching them new things and building a working relationship. Finally, if we are blessed enough to get to enter a ring and perform what we’ve learned together then we enjoy the journey through titles and ribbons.
So would I change things about my time with Micah? No. We did what mattered most. We loved each other.
Will I change my timeline with other dogs? Nope. We will trial when we are ready and in the mean time we will enjoy life together - I will enjoy letting my dogs have fun and be dogs while we prepare for sports.
I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. I’m glad I didn’t know our time was going to be so short. I’m glad we had our dance, though it was far too short it was full and fun and I don’t regret anything. The pain in real. The loss hurts. In the end I’d do it all again for my little man.
Until we meet again my Micah Moo…. I love you.